bad end
by youchuu
Summary: nothing worked out the way it was supposed to. but even so, can she find something to hold onto?
1. Chapter 1

"It's so good to see you two again," she says, and she means it. It's been years since the three of them met up just to talk and catch up. So long, in fact, that _someone_ had pulled her into a tight group hug slightly prior, prompting someone _else_ to protest, tripping over her words. Eventually they'd all settled down at one of the tables outside a cafe. The sun isn't too bright, there's a slight breeze, and there's the quiet bustle of people in the background. It's comfortable.

Yurika sips her tea. "When did we last...?"

Kaede hums in thought, and then springs up visibly. "I think it was Christmas."

"Yes, that was when Kaede stuck mistletoe over the door." Mizuki cuts a piece of crumb cake with her fork.

"So I could give kisses to everyone who came!"

"Hey! I thought you said those were a greeting?"

"Yurika, you're too naive. Didn't you hear they only do that in Europe?"

Now she's fuming, or blushing. Probably both, as one can only imagine she's remembering the greeting she received. Of course they've already started to bicker... "Now now, that's enough." Her tone is firm, but her fondness comes through most of all. Even after all these years, their dynamic is still the same.

Kaede sits up in her chair suddenly. "Yurika, _what's that_?" Peppering in some of the usual English, Kaede points at her hand. Her gaze follows and she looks briefly, and then raises it with a small smile, fangs included.

"I finally found a servant to follow me into all eternity. Me, the several hundred year old descendant of Dracula..." She stops, and giggles. There's something foreign in her expression. "I got married last year."

"Wow!"

"Congratulations."

Yurika runs a hand through her hair, now let loose long and wavy, a far cry from her old pair of drills. "I would have let you meet him, but something came up with work."

"What kinda guy is he?" She's never known Kaede to talk about men. There's a first for everything, apparently.

The former vampire describes him in no short words, and from the way she talks anyone could tell she loves him more than anything. It's fairly obvious. After her little speech, she looks at the other two in a mixture of curiosity and concern. "Don't you two have anyone?"

"Yes! I'm dating someone," Kaede responds, not missing a beat, "in America."

"I'm focusing on my work right now."

Kaede looks at her briefly, and then changes the topic. Does she know? But she couldn't possibly, right? The three chat for a while longer before all the tea is drunk and cake eaten, and Yurika gets a text and apologizes, but she must be on her way. It's down to two then, and she looks at her with the same concern Yurika had shown earlier.

"You said that back then too, didn't you? When we were idols."

She knows. It's clear she knows; she saw right through her. She takes her bag from her chair and stands. "I don't know what you're talking about."

It's a poor phrase for cover, but she needs to get out of there. She's reminisced enough; it's time to get back to her current life, and leave the past in the past. So she bids farewell, not unkindly, and leaves. She doesn't see, but Kaede watches her as she walks away.

–

Later, she looks them up. All her former fellow idols, the then-girls who she'd worked beside and shared memories with, from Starlight and elsewhere.

They're all married.

Aoi, Sakura, even _Otome_ , and that's just within Star Anis. There are the Dream Academy girls, and Shion and Hikari, and all the younger idols, including Akari and her own kouhai, Risa. Every single one of them.

Ichigo she saves for last, unable to look, but when she does she can't tear herself away. She looks so different now, her choice of clothing, and her hair now pulled into a bun in most shots, and yet so much like herself. She can see it in her smile, ear to ear and bright as the sun. This almost makes her smile herself until she comes upon a picture of her, her husband, and their two kids. They appear to be having a picnic.

She knew it wouldn't last forever, that she would graduate and move on with her life, as with all the others. She knew that, and knows that now, so why does it still sting, acutely? As if the cut is fresh as opposed to long scarred over and forgotten about. This shouldn't be such a shock. They're all adults, of course they'd have moved on. So why can't she? Why is she still stuck here? It isn't like no one had ever approached her, but she'd never been interested in the least. It was always too inconvenient or cut into her work without seeming to have any real benefit. So what she said to Kaede wasn't a lie exactly. It wasn't a cover-up. She just hasn't felt anything for anyone since… Since Ichigo, now that she thinks about it.

She closes the browser tab and turns off the display. That's enough for one night.

More importantly, she has to come up with some new designs. Lately she's been in a bit of a slump, and can't come up with anything fresh and, more importantly, good. Designing for other people is a lot different from just designing for herself. There are more factors to think about, and need of diversity in cuts and styles. She's not top idol anymore. This is the world after that, reality, and thus far she's managed. So why is she only having trouble now?

Turning off the light, she slips into bed, now much shorter hair spilling out behind her. She isn't feeling too well after all that, but maybe some sleep will help. Rest is all too important, as she learned firsthand the days leading up to her last Starlight Queen Cup. How far away that feels now… It's as if she's an entirely different person.

Eventually, gradually, she drifts off to sleep, and the moon weaves its light through the curtains.


	2. Chapter 2

Long since tired of looking at the same blank sheet of sketch paper, she decides to go out for inspiration. It's been some time since her last trip out to shop, and knowing her deadline is approaching, it's a bit difficult to relax. But when she sees the rows of colorful and stylish clothes hung all around, as if by magic, her mind is instead filled with thoughts of mixing and matching. That top has a nice, sort of flowy design, and this one has an interesting pattern. They would both go well with a necklace she has at home, and so on and so forth.

It's while she's examining the fabric of a pretty skirt that she notices the person next to her. More specifically, that person speaks to her, in a familiarly casual sort of way. "Mizuki-san… Didn't think I'd see you here." She turns, and is greeted with the sight of a person she'd almost forgotten about, but how could she?

"Ah, Ran. It's been a while, hasn't it?" It's odd seeing her again, after so many years, and especially after just seeing Kaede and Yurika again the day before. As if her past is coming back to bite her, or something. Though she recognized her almost instantly, her appearance has changed somewhat since last time, whenever that was. "I see you cut your hair."

Ran runs a well-manicured hand through her bob-like cut. "You too. It's weird though, you always had the longest hair out of any of us."

She giggles softly. "Why do you think I cut it? Hair that long is only practical if you're an idol, and even then." Ran laughs in turn, and there's a brief pause. The two had long had a sort of mutual understanding, ever since the earliest days of Tristar, and that has not changed in the many years spent with their minds on other things. "I heard you were pursuing modeling in other countries. What brings you back here?"

At this, she sighs. Is this a sore topic? "I kinda… You know, it didn't work out." At Mizuki's firm gaze, she shrinks back a bit. "I could say the same of you, though. Aren't you some huge designer now?"

"A designer with a block, maybe. I haven't been able to come up with anything good in some time."

They've both, in their mutual confusion, ended up at the same clothing store, peeling through the racks in search of some magic cure for their current predicaments. Neither of them are quite like themselves, and yet this doesn't make it any more difficult for them to talk and catch up. It really is comfortable, in a way she can't quite place. It's just one of those things.

"So, how are Kaede and Yurika doing?" She mentions both of them by name, but it's obvious who she's more concerned about. Have they not had contact since the end of their idol days?

"They're fine. I just saw them yesterday, actually." Should she say it? She has no idea of Ran's current status as far as relationships or if she even still cares, but back then they'd been extremely close, put lightly. "Yurika got married, sometime last year," she says, as casually as she possibly can.

It's only visible for a split second, but Ran's face sort of empties of all feeling, eyes wide, before falling back into place. "Ah. I guess I should've sent some kinda congratulations."

"I didn't know until she told me yesterday. We've all gone on our separate ways since then."

She looks as if she wants to say something, but the words die before they reach her lips. "Yeah." And so they compare their shopping finds and talk about clothes, as a model and a designer, until they finally bid farewell. She has things she has to do, people to see, and Mizuki is left with her thoughts.

And her somehow budding inspiration.

–

She's just getting ready for bed that night when her phone begins to ring, the default tone. She does a double take when she sees the contact information, but picks up nonetheless.

"Kaede?"

"Mizuki! I'm glad you're still up. I thought you might've gone to bed already."

"I was just about to. What is it?"

"I _might_ have heard that you saw Ran today."

Word apparently travels fast. "I did. We ran into each other while out shopping. Why?"

"Well!" Her grin is tangible, even over the phone. "You know Ran is single, right?"

"What does that have to do with..."

"She's in the same boat as you, I'm pretty sure. Aoi and I have been talking and she hasn't even done the whole dating thing in a while. Hearing about Yurika probably hit hard, too. Hey, it hit _me_ hard and we were just friends!"

She remains silent through all of this, until a break in the chatter finally arrives. "Goodnight, Kaede."

"Oh! Goodnight! I'll call you tomorrow, maybe."

She knows it's wrong of her, and it's not as if she has anything against Kaede, but the thought of hearing more about this particular topic isn't exactly appealing.

Maybe she can dodge it somehow. But for now, she'll rest, and forget about all of that, even though life seems determined to shove it in her face at the moment. She doesn't want to think about marriage. She doesn't want to think about Ichigo. And she especially doesn't want to think about the implications of that.

Because there are some things better left unsaid.


	3. Chapter 3

Work is somehow easier after that. Maybe it's because she's trying to keep herself distracted and away from all _that_ , but whatever the case, it helps. At the forefront of her mind is her conversation with Ran just a few days before. To be able to talk with someone who understands clothing was refreshing, not to mention the different perspective of designer versus model. It got her thinking in a different way, from a different viewpoint, and that seems to be exactly what she needed.

She sets down her pencil and hums aloud. She did help her out, so maybe she should thank her, but how? What would be a fitting return gesture? There is... _one_ thing she could do, provided they're on board and willing. But why wouldn't they be? Someone as established as Ran, doing it ever since she was a child and once the representative of Spicy Ageha, should be at the top of anyone's list.

Picking up her phone, she taps on the call icon. It's time to put her extensive contacts to use.

–

Ran's number isn't one she has in her phone, so she calls up Kaede to ask for it. Her former unitmate has kept in contact with a few of their old friends, in passing. If she doesn't have it, then Aoi definitely will, and the two of them have long had an odd sort of partnership.

"Hello? Mizuki?"

"Kaede, do you know Ran's phone number?"

"Oh? So you were listening to me! Good luck!"

Good luck? For what? She doesn't want to know. "No, I wanted to thank her for the other day. I don't have any way of contacting her though, so I thought you might know."

"Aww." Her tone is soaked with playful disappointment. "And here I thought I was gonna be a matchmaker."

"Kaede."

"Okay, okay. I'll read it out to you. Got a pen?" And so she does.

–

Digit by digit, she dials the number. It rings once or twice before Ran picks up at the other end, and she feels a slight sense of relief. "Hello? Who is this?"

"It's me."

"Mizuki-san…?" She trails off in disbelief. "I had a feeling I should pick up. Guess I was right."

Sitting on a chair in the living room, she crosses her legs, and smiles. "I wanted to thank you for the other day."

"What for?"

"I told you I'd been in a block for a while, but that conversation managed to pull me out. I've been able to design again."

"Oh, that's great!"

"I just have one request. I pulled some strings and got you a modeling job, so I want you to take it."

"Ah..." She doesn't sound very excited. This is concerning.

"What's wrong?"

"No, it's just..." She sighs. "I don't know if I can." You voice for her to continue, and she does. "I told you the overseas thing didn't really work out. It wasn't because of them, though."

"You mean..."

She explains. "It was me. It was like Tristar again, except I was even farther away from everyone I knew, and I forgot what it was I really loved about modeling. I forgot, you know, what it meant." A brief pause, but one that seemed to stretch on forever. "Ever since then, I haven't done any modeling. I'm not sure I could."

This...is something they had faced in the past. Back then, it had been due to her choice, which she reversed to let her be with her friends. She'd had control. But this, this is entirely outside any realm where she can help. Still, she has her words. "Ran, didn't you tell me back then that you're yourself, no matter what?"

"I know that," she responds, slightly frustrated. "And I used to be by myself, after Mako left. I don't know what it is with me. When I'm not with them, now that we've all kind of gone our separate ways, I don't know what to do."

Soleil is no more. Tristar, likewise, is no more. And they've moved on with their lives, for better or for worse. But it hasn't been easy for any of them.

"I want you to take this opportunity. Not for me, but for you."

"Mizuki-san..."

"You might discover something." It's a leap of faith, but if she knows Ran as well as she thinks, then she can definitely take up the challenge. It's just a matter of whether or not she can figure it out. Whether she can find herself again, and realize that she'll never be alone.

–

Kaede's words echo in her head. She knows she should just forget about it, that it's better to ignore it, but something about it just won't leave her alone. What does Kaede see that she doesn't? Just what is she getting at? It's not something she wants to know; she could go her whole life not and be perfectly fine, even better off. So what is this feeling? This compulsion, almost.

She doesn't want to know, doesn't want to even think about it, and yet it won't leave her mind, no matter what she does. And the question remains: is Ran the same? If they're really in the same sort of situation, then she must understand, but it's not something she'll ever put to voice. Because as long as she buries it deep and leaves the shovel, she can pretend it doesn't exist. And that's easier.

Really, it can't be right. Kaede must be wrong, mistaken. There's no way she could still be stuck in her high school years, still not thinking of men but, instead… She needs to grow up, and move on. And even if she doesn't get married, she has her work, and that's enough.

Isn't it?


	4. Chapter 4

Time passes as it always does, and her worries turned out to have been for nothing. As soon as Ran stood on that runway, something took over her, something more than than the person Mizuki had heard over the phone. Even no longer being an idol, she was radiant and had such presence. A model through and through. If she could describe the feeling that stood out in her mind as she watched her, it would undoubtedly be respect. And beneath that, weaved in so finely she hardly recognized it, was something else.

She sees Ran after the show, charged up for some reason she can't really place. Like an itch to find a sketchpad and work out all her ideas. While before she was dry, at this point she can't even begin to start with all the potential designs in her head. It's refreshing, overall. And so she opens the door to one of the back rooms. Ran, who had been sitting, stands. "Oh, Mizuki-san."

"You really shone out there." She smiles at her, brows pressed, unwavering. An expression very much like her. As if in thought, Ran runs her hand idly over the vanity.

"I talked to Ichigo and Aoi about it, said I wasn't sure, and they insisted. So here I am." She turns to face her directly, a certain spark in her eyes. "I get it now, I think. Even though we're all apart now, doing different things, we still support each other. And when we talk again, it's like nothing's changed. And on the runway..."

"You could hear them cheering you on, right?" she guesses. Ran nods, and she briefly closes her eyes. "You three have always been close. Back then, I would see you always together, and feel a bit lonely. You really do form the sun, and even when it's just you, I can feel that same warmth." Vividly bright. Ichigo had always been her sun, but she lit up everyone close to her, Aoi and Ran especially. And the difference that made in them, in Ran, was obvious.

Much like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon, she had spread her wings. While she'd falter at times, her wings would eventually come unstuck and she'd learn to fly again. And fly she did. Come to think of it, butterflies had long been Spicy Ageha's motif, but if she took her own spin on it…

"Ran, could I ask a favor?"

"Eh?" Her eyes widen a bit. "Sure, but…what?"

–

She unlocks the door to her apartment, and they step inside. "Sorry about the mess," she says, "I wasn't expecting company." To anyone else, including Ran, it would look exceedingly neat. Mizuki leads her through to another room, which might actually deserve the word "cluttered" or perhaps even "messy," given the right set of eyes. Many types of deeply and vividly colored fabric and accessories line the room, scissors thrown ajar, all circled around a desk with a notebook propped open on its surface. It is, without a doubt, the creative space of a designer.

"So, what do I do?" The air from the fan makes Ran's skirt ripple. It's fairly cold, though this is normal for Mizuki.

She takes her sketchbook and flips it open to a blank page past many older designs, some that bore fruit alongside others that fell flat. Many of the latter aren't even in the book, but instead crumpled up in the wastebasket. But she has a good feeling about this. She hasn't had a model to work from in a long time, after all. "Just act natural."

Pen to paper, she begins to sketch. First the form of the body as a base, tall and slender, and a few lines to curve along the shape of her hair. And then the ideas flow. What if she did a top with this sort of asymmetrical shape? Or maybe that bit exposed? Not all of these ideas are good or work particularly well, but as she works through she does find a few really good ones. Occasionally, she raises her head to reference Ran herself, taking note of the shapes and lines that make her up, what sorts of things would flatter a person like her. All in all, it goes really very well. Where this sudden inspiration is coming from she doesn't know, but she certainly isn't complaining. At one point, she pauses, as if deep in thought. Then she sets the notebook down and approaches her.

Ran hums briefly in a confused tone of voice, eyebrows raised slightly. But ignoring this, she takes her arm and lifts it gently, turns her to the side a bit so she's at an angle. Her own face is set in a serious sort of way, totally absorbed in what she's doing, the art of it. She sets her hands on Ran's shoulders then, and stares at her for a moment.

In that instant, something clicks.

Her intention had been to look at her more closely, to perhaps see her from a different angle and get a slightly different perspective. This is not quite how it works out, or at least, not in the way she had first thought. Because some force, some tension in the air, pulls them closer. Her mind stops, just for those precious few seconds, and that's all it takes.

Soft. Warm…? She's leaning in and then she's pulling away, mind now running on overdrive to make up for lost time. Her heart is pounding in a way it hasn't likely since she was a teenager. What just happened? Damn it, what should she say? The tension is broken, but the awkwardness is tangible. She stumbles over her words as she speaks. "I-I'm sorry, that was… I mean, I'm not..."

Ran seems mostly unfazed. "You're not what?" she says, in that familiar blunt tone. Had her eyelashes always been that long? Her lips that soft-looking? She immediately steps back, eyes wide.

Calm down. She breathes, eyes shutting for a moment. When they open again, they don't meet Ran's. "This was a mistake. I'm sorry I brought you all the way here. I'm...just going to...get back to work." She doesn't say it directly, but she seems to get the message: _I need you to leave_.

And so she does. And she, Mizuki, leans against the door, the sensation still lingering on her lips. This is bad. Really, _really_ bad. So why did Ran not seem to care? As if this was entirely normal for her. And above all else, why is it that the only thing she can think of is that that had been her first kiss since Ichigo?

Try as she might to ignore it, she had kissed back.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day comes, and the day after that. A week passes. She doesn't see Ran again, and things return to how they've always been. She doesn't think about it, doesn't let it cross her mind, because if she dwells on it, she'll be in the same situation she was back then. And she's not that person anymore, she can't be.

The line moves forward, and she stands at the counter. Menu wide and filled with choices, she of course orders her usual: an iced coffee. She has errands to run today and she'll need the caffeine boost. She gives the person behind the counter her name, and he writes it on the cup. Stepping aside to let the next person order, she waits. While she is inactive, her mind is running with all the things she needs to do today. When her drink slides across the counter, she takes it without a second thought, and goes on her way. If she wants to get everything done, she doesn't have a moment to waste.

Next, she stops at a certain store, bag in arm. It may or may not be the one she visited three weeks or so prior, but regardless, she had found that a top she'd bought didn't suit her very well, and so back she goes. She meant to bring it back earlier, but work and other things prevented her. She's been busy, sort of.

It's as she approaches the desk with the thing she means to return that her phone vibrates in her bag. She notices it, and ignores it.

–

Later, she's grocery shopping, steering her cart around while browsing the shelves for good prices on the things she needs. She doesn't mean to get a lot, just enough. She picks out a bottle of milk with a good expiration date, checks the carton of eggs for cracks, and by the time she takes a look to count everything up, the bottom of the cart is entirely covered.

Her phone vibrates, and again she ignores it.

–

Shutting the door of her car, she sets her bag down on the other seat and reaches in for her phone. Before she turns the key and starts off toward home, she'd like to know what those notifications were about. Texts? But from who? Swiping down the top bar, it becomes clear: one missed call from work, and two texts from…

She'd better call back work, regardless.

"Kanzaki? I've been trying to reach you all day! Where are you?"

"I'm sorry, I was just out shopping. Is something wrong?"

The voice on the other line sighs impatiently. "You'd better get over here before we start looking for another head designer. I know you like working in privacy, but we _do_ need to see the results of that."

"Understood. I'll be right over." With a voice of acknowledgement and a click, the call ends, and she slips the device back into her bag. She'd better hurry home and put everything away. She can't exactly keep them waiting much longer, but at least she has something to show for it this time.

–

Thanking herself that she didn't get too much, she's able to put all the groceries away and hop back in her car in a short period of time, sketchbook in hand. It isn't very far, maybe fifteen minutes at most, and by the time she gets there, her phone has vibrated once more.

The building is large and glassy, and after stepping inside to a burst of cool air, she takes the elevator up a few floors. When the doors finally slide open once more, she steps out, and is almost immediately greeted by the person on the other end of the phone call earlier. Her hair is sticking up in a few places and she looks overall very stressed. "Did you bring the designs?"

She nods, gesturing toward the sketchbook peeking out of her bag, and the person pulls her away to another room, an office-type space, for privacy she supposes. Out comes the book, and she flips through it, backwards from the most recent page. Her eyes lift from the pen lines and she looks at her a bit seriously.

"You've drawn the same person several times."

"Oh, that would be an old friend of mine, a model. She was helping me the other day."

Her eyes narrow. "You've found a muse, haven't you?"

A muse? "Eh? No, it's just..."

"You haven't done this much and this well in some time. Whoever she is, she's bringing out something in you."

She looks at her in a sort of masked panic. "I...suppose."

–

When she gets home, it's fairly late, and already pitch black outside. A moonless night. It's no wonder she's so on edge. Every time in her life she's felt really lost, it was on a new moon. Because on any other night, that light would guide her to the right path. On any other night, she would be able to find her way again.

She takes her phone out again and unlocks it, staring at the screen idly for a moment. Should she look? Satisfy her curiosity and read the texts sent to her? Or would that just make her feel even worse? She did, after all, ignore and avoid the sender of them all this time. As guilty as she feels, she can't just _accept_ what happened. Things will never be as they were before. Regardless of anything she may or may not feel, that time is over. It's _over_.

So why is it that she finds herself tapping on the message icon, despite these thoughts? There aren't that many, and most are from today. "Are you okay?" she asks. "Do you wanna talk about it?" There's obvious worry even in Ran's usual flat blunt tone, and she instantly swipes to close the window. She was right; she shouldn't have looked.

If she really is her muse, if she really does feel that way for her…

Mizuki closes her eyes. She'd better get some rest.


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks have passed since that happened, and she doesn't feel any better. One would think avoiding something would mean not thinking about what it is she's avoiding, but in reality, it hangs just over her head, lingering in the back of her mind at all times. She can't seem to get past it, and the more time passes, the worse it gets. The worse she feels. She's running away, plain and simple. And it's not something she can continue doing for much longer. That scares her a bit, if she's to be entirely honest.

Managing to get home without incident, she shuts the door of her car and locks it with the press of a button. All she wants to do at this point is get home and rest. Work is work, but she's been particularly stressed lately, and it's eating into her. It's a wonder she can still design. But as long as she can focus on work, she will. That's what she's been doing for as long as she can remember, even during her idol days, and it's what she'll continue to do. People who can hold up a love life are admirable, but she would much rather focus on her career. Isn't that what she's been telling herself all this time?

Her heels make clicking noises as she walks across. The walkway feels longer and emptier than usual, but she reaches her apartment door all the same, and shuffles around in her bag for the key. It comes to her, eventually, and she's just unlocking it, when— No. It can't be. She must be mistaken.

Footsteps echo in her ears, and she feels a strong sense of dread. They stop just feet from her, and she turns. Standing there, shoulders rising and falling from the stress of running, is a person just a bit shorter than her, brown hair now cut short and bangs falling to the right. Her sharp eyes look at her as if in disbelief. She shrinks back, remembering in an instant every single text left unanswered. Snow falls in slow flurries all around.

"Why are you avoiding me?" Ran's voice is loud, harshly spoken. Her time is up, and she knows it. There's no way she can run now. She finally has her cornered.

"Ran, I..." Mizuki's is fragile.

She closes her eyes for a moment and inhales, exhales. "I don't get it. This isn't like you. This isn't the Mizuki-san we all looked up to; she wasn't this weak." She avoids her eyes, and her voice grows louder again with words stolen from a distant past. "Look at me! Face me. Like a real rival."

"We aren't idols anymore."

"It doesn't matter! We're still the same people we were then, nothing has changed. And I know you're stronger than this." She looks at her, and something pierces her, the intensity behind her eyes. She's serious, wholly serious. "I'm not ashamed of that kiss, are you?" she half yells, and Mizuki winces.

"Not so loud..."

Ran's expression is a bit odd. "Do you care if people know?"

She looks from side to side. Still empty of people, but no doubt her neighbors are home. "Don't you? I mean, it's not..."

"Not what?"

"...Normal." A gust of wind blows and she shivers, her coat now feeling much too thin.

"Didn't you pick me for Tristar back then 'cause I said I'd be myself no matter what? And that's what I'm doing, right now. Maybe it's normal, maybe it's not. I don't care." She pauses for a moment, and comes much closer, footsteps echoing on chilled metal. "I'm attracted to you, and I'm pretty sure you feel the same, so can we stop beating around the bush?"

Her better judgment is telling her otherwise, but there's an undeniable pull. Why had she never noticed how, well, gorgeous she was in the past? Especially with such a serious expression, she can't help but be drawn in. The words register sort of hazily in her head. Attraction. Kaede trying to push them together. Her finally finding a muse. It's more real than she's felt in a long, long time, and in the depths of their shared gaze is _something_. Something powerful, and difficult to resist. She's done trying.

In that instant, their lips meet, snapping together like magnets. More than before, there's a certain hunger to it. Breaking for a moment, her hands grasp at the doorknob, scrambling and pulling it open. When it opens, they tumble inside. It shuts with a click behind them.

It's intense, each brush of contact like fire. So hot to the touch she might just burn, but there's a thrill to it. She thinks her voice is probably escaping in strange shapes to the tune of her traveling hands, and she would almost be embarrassed if it weren't so good. All reason has gone out the window, all thought and consideration. There's only feeling and instinct now, and it's refreshing. Relieving, maybe.

"Ran..." she whispers, softly. The person who understands her best, now and since back then. Without her saying it, she somehow gets the meaning behind it, as if they exist on the same wavelength. And if there's one thing Ran has experience with, it's this.

She isn't thinking about the why, the what happens after. The only thing in her mind right now is a desire for her lips and fingertips. The night is still young, and in this moment, so are they.


	7. Chapter 7

She awakens not to the sound of an alarm, but to birds chirping and bright light seeping through the curtains. The sheets press cool against bare skin and tangled legs. Blinking the grog of sleep out of her eyes, a rustling noise catches her ear—doesn't she live alone?—and she turns to the source. She's still sort of foggy, so when her eyes meet the other person's, standing a few feet away, she finds she has a million things to say and yet none will form into actual words.

"Oh, Mizuki-san. Or should I say, Mizuki?" There's a certain hint of playfulness in her voice that makes her face burn. Since when were they on those terms? She sits up, while the other adjusts her skirt, still in the midst of changing, and she notices belatedly that she still isn't wearing a shirt. "You're finally up. I never thought you'd be such a heavy sleeper."

"What..." she starts, but Ran doesn't seem to hear her. What is she doing here, in _her_ bedroom? What has happened for things to progress to this point? And finally, _what_ is going on? She feels suddenly very exposed, both literally and figuratively, covering herself with her quilt. Her now short hair is sticking up at odd angles. Not even Ichigo ever saw her like this.

She pulls on a shirt over her head, smoothing out her hair afterward, and Mizuki finally lets herself breathe, not knowing she'd been holding her breath in the first place. "I've gotta get back, but… Oh, I made coffee. It should still be hot."

"Ah… Thank you."

Lifting her back onto her shoulder, she begins toward the door. "Then, I guess I'll get going. Ah, but..." She looks back at her, eyes glinting bright purple. "You're pretty cute when you sleep."

"Eh?"

"Y'know, you kinda… Murmur things? You fell asleep pretty early on too, I don't think I could've woken you." She gives a short laugh.

Heat rises in her face at the implication, and she fumbles for words. But there's no need, because Ran is soon gone, leaving her alone with the consequences of her actions.

Peeling off the quilt and sitting on the edge, her bare feet meet the soft texture of a rug. and she pulls on a robe for modesty. The air is cool, and she shivers as she stands, leaving behind the comfortable warmth of her bed. Hot coffee is sounding fairly appealing at the moment. With light, smooth steps, she pads past the bedroom, through the hall, and to the kitchen. The floor is chilly and she already misses the rug in her room.

She takes a mug from the cabinet and pours herself halfway, adding some milk and sugar as needed. She's never tasted her coffee before, of course—why would she have?—and she isn't quite sure what to expect. Nonetheless, she raises it to her lips and takes a sip, to find…

Cough. It's really strong. It's sort of fitting though, with Ran's personality. Of course she would make hers strong, it only makes sense, and Mizuki fights back a small laugh.

Ah… Ran.

She takes a longer sip to clear her head. She'd better finish up and get ready; there's something she really needs to do today.

–

This meeting, though not unplanned, hadn't exactly been at the top of her list. She'd put it off time and time again due to business conflicts, or because she was otherwise preoccupied. Most of all, she hadn't wanted to get caught up in her past again. But it's time, she thinks. And so, each step seeming as heavy as lead, she walks through the gate of Starlight School.

Her excuse is simple: she's a designer, so the headmistress invited her. Though she wonders if she even needs one, considering she's one of the many statues in the hall, stood up alongside Masquerade, the pair she'd admired from the time she'd just learned to tie her shoelaces. It's very funny, when she thinks about it. They'd moved on with their lives, and so had she, and so would the next legend, and the next. Idolhood, after all, is temporary.

When she reaches the door, tall and wooden just as she remembered it, she gives it a good knock and waits for a response. It's a strange feeling. She hasn't been here, in this spot, since she attended the school _decades_ ago. And yet, it's still the same. Nothing has changed. When she hears her voice, she opens the door and walks in, closing it behind her with a snap.

Orihime looks at her, surprised. She looks much the same, if somewhat older. She's dressed in cream and blue and her hair is in its usual ringlets. She stands. It's obvious that she wouldn't come here, after all this time, for no reason. "Mizuki," she says, "what's the matter?"

"I have something I needed to talk to you about." And only her. It's something she can't tell just anyone, and that, she thinks, is evident in her tone. She has faith that Orihime, of all people, will understand. Somehow.

"Then come, sit." And they do, on the comfortable chairs in her office. "It's been so long… You cut your hair."

"Yes, it's much easier to deal with now." A pause, as she gathers her words. There's no way around it; she has to come out and say it. "You know, I've been working hard at my career. And I thought I didn't need anything else. But..."

"You met someone."

Her eyes, which had been lowered, glance up at once. How did she know? "Yes. Except, it wasn't for the first time, and that person..." She pauses again, inhaling. Her heart is beating slightly fast. It's now or never. "...isn't a man."

Her eyes do not widen, she doesn't shrink back, she simply looks at her with the same familiarity and fondness of a former teacher. "Mizuki," she begins, "have I ever told you about my relationship with Miya?"

She, however, expresses some degree of surprise. Her voice lifts. "Miya? But isn't she…?"

"Married? Yes. But before then, we were together, and she was my first love. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you and Ichigo..."

This is a sensitive topic, and she bites back the feelings that come just from hearing her name, her ears now unaccustomed to it. She thinks her reaction probably says it all, with how well the other knows her. "I thought that it would all just go away, that I could move on like she did. But I'm the same as I was then."

"Those feelings never go away, you know. Not for people like us. I struggled for a long time as well, but you've found someone. So don't let her go." She smiles at her, and somehow, her anxiety has begun to fade. "Remember, you regret what you don't do, not what you do."

She stands, after a moment spent. "Thank you. I'm sorry for visiting on such short notice."

"No need. You're always welcome here."

It was a good idea to come here. She knows that now, feeling somehow strengthened by the conversation. She starts toward the door, bag in arm, heels making dull clicks on flooring, when Orihime calls out to her, with a smile. It's just three words, but she feels the weight of them.

"Go get her."


	8. Chapter 8

For all the progress she's made, she's left sort of lost and unknowing of what exactly to do. How can she approach Ran, after all that has happened? It was hard enough when she was avoiding her, but how exactly should she go about clearing things up with her? This is the question that most weighs on her mind, throughout the day, and she finds it difficult to get anything done.

She's jolted back to reality when she realizes she's overfilled her cup and the hot water is pooling on the countertop. As she quickly turns it upright, her sigh is audible and worn out. This is getting to be too much. At least when they were apart, she could focus on things, because she was so concerned with distracting herself. Now, however, she's so caught up in her thoughts that she can't seem to do _anything_.

Hands busy with blotting up all the water with a towel, she waits for her tea to steep, hoping (in vain?) that it might soothe her somehow. Just as she's finishing up, giving it one last broad swipe, her phone begins to ring. Her tea will have to wait, apparently.

It must be work, she reasons, but the contact image on the screen is of a much older acquaintance. She should have known. News travels fast, after all. She takes the call.

"Kaede?"

" _Hello_! Mizuki. _Sorry_ , I haven't called you in a while. Taking on a whole sushi chain is harder than I thought it'd be. What've you been doing?"

So she hasn't spoken with Aoi? Interesting. She decides to be honest. "Well, I... Actually, I could use your advice on something."

"Sure! What's the problem?" Her tone is buoyantly cheerful, but she pauses, and speaks in a slightly softer voice. "Is it Ran?"

She's surprised, but she really shouldn't be. It's Kaede who was trying to set them up all along. "...Yes. The truth is, something happened recently, and I'm not sure how to face her."

"What happened? I've gotta know! Did you two get together?" What's going through Kaede's head she has no idea, but her voice is amplified several degrees by her excitement.

This is exactly the type of thing she'd hoped to avoid, but it's far too late now. "Well, um, it's sort of complicated and we had a bit of an argument, but... When I woke up the next morning, she was in my bedroom."

A pause, for what feels like a very long time, and then very loudly, "You guys had—"

" _Kaede_."

" _Sorry_! But what's the problem there? That's a good thing, isn't it?"

She sighs again, closing her eyes for a moment, and then gazing out the window. "I don't know what to do. What do I say? I don't even know what we _are_. What if I miss the mark somehow?"

"Mizuki, you guys had kind of a weird start, so... Don't you think she's feeling the same way? I mean, when me and my girlfriend..."

"Girlfriend?"

"Oh, yeah! I didn't tell you? Me and Marie have been dating for almost a year now." She can feel her grin through the phone. It should have been obvious from the start, what with her trying to set the two of them up, but somehow Mizuki just hadn't made the connection. "Anyway, when we met I was like, her mentor? And I guess she remembered that, because when she saw me at the sushi place, she kinda got all shocked and flustered, and she started going there almost every day."

"So you approached her?" She can see where the story is leading.

" _Yes_! And she said she'd been thinking of me all these years. Funny, huh? She'd been on my mind too. But that's it, you know? If both people don't put in the effort, nothing will happen. Ran approached you, so don't you think it's time you tell her?"

Deep breath. She's right. "...Thank you, Kaede."

"Anytime! Oh, but I have a meeting to get to now, so I'm gonna go. _Good luck_!" Click.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, lays the question of how things turned out this way. How things with Ichigo weren't to be, and how she'd distanced herself from everything and everyone in her confusion and pain, only to be pulled headfirst right back into it with a chance encounter. How a person who'd been a fellow idol, once a unitmate and then a rival, someone she understood on a level but wasn't very close with, became the person she ultimately fell in love with. It had seemed like a bad end, an offshoot turn of events nothing good could come out of, and yet somehow, for some reason...

She's happy.

–

It's the first time she's ever been to Ran's apartment, deeper into the city in a tall building. All it took was a message letting her know and an address shared and she got right into her car and drove. The building had slightly intimidated her, but… She's not going to run away anymore. That's not who she is, who she was. Ran had been right that evening: she hadn't been like herself. But that's about to change; she's going to take the wheel. If her conversation with Orihime told her anything, it's that doubting herself like that isn't good for her.

Ran's been reaching out to her all along, so it's about time she extend her own hand to meet her in the middle.

She takes the elevator up a few floors, watching as the doors finally peel open to let her out. Her heels click on the flooring as she walks through hallways, finally arriving at her door, number 38. She takes pause, just for a moment, before rapping her knuckles on the door once, twice, in a sharp knock. In the moments that pass, she feels doubt and concern, various thoughts run through her head. But as the door opens, jolting her from them, she shakes all her worries off. She came here for a reason, right?

"Mizuki-san, come in." Ran gestures, holding the door open.

She smiles gently. "Just Mizuki is fine." Ran's lips part as if to speak, but she walks in before any words can come out, and by the time the door is shut behind them, any sound beyond the hum of a heater has already died.

They sit on the chairs in the living room. It's not a very large apartment, but it's comfortable and stylishly arranged. It's very modern with a lot of smooth lines and glass. She wonders, idly, if it's difficult to keep clean. "So," Ran says, "you said you had something to talk to me about?"

"Yes." She folds her hands on her lap, swallowing. Kaede's words run through her head, and she looks straight at her. "I know it's an odd thing to ask, after what's happened, but...what are we?"

Ran's eyebrows press upward, creasing her forehead slightly. It's clear that isn't the question she was expecting. Nevertheless, she answers her bluntly and honestly, as always. "I dunno, I hadn't really thought about it. Do you want to be something?"

...Had she been worrying all on her own? "Th-Then… What was _that_ to you?"

"That? I guess I just got frustrated with your attitude, and I mean, I _am_ attracted to you, so it just kind of...happened. Did you have any deep thoughts about it at the time?"

"...Well, no."

She stretches her arms behind her. "If you wanna, like, date or something I'd be fine with that, but if that's what you want you've gotta spit it out. I'm not a mindreader."

Ran does have a point. No matter how well they understand each other, it's impossible for her to know everything that's on her mind. Hadn't that been the problem in the first place, when she began to ignore her texts? Of course she would get frustrated, anyone would. She inhales, exhales, and speaks. "Then, Ran," she starts, reaching out to touch her hand that laid casually on her lap, "would you go out with me? Maybe it's too soon, maybe I'm off the mark here, but…" Her eyes fall to the side, avoiding her gaze. "I think I'm in love with you."

When she looks back, the person before her doesn't flinch, doesn't retract her hand, only faces her with the same expression. And then her lips curve into a wry smile. "See? Don't you feel better that you've gotten that out?"

She smiles slightly back, a bit flustered. "I guess so."

"Mizuki-sa… No, Mizuki," she corrects herself, taking her extended hand in her own firm grasp. There's silence, for a moment, as they look at each other, hand in hand. And then, "I'll pick you up at six, tomorrow?"

Her smile widens, and her eyes crinkle, shut, bangs falling across her face. "It's a date."


End file.
